I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
