I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
