You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
