You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
