coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize