I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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