The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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