Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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