she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
