If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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