Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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