sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize