dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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