Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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