Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
