she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
