You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
