I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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