we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
