if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
