It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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