They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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