If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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