Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
