I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
