So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
