The maid of honor just puked.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
