Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize