Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
