It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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