I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
