Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
