I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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