I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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