don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My dick has a subreddit
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
