the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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