So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize