well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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