so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
