i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
