Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
