Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
