If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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