I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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