would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
