Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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