He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
