Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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