he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize