The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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