i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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