We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
