He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
