You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
