we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
