I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
