i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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