The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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