Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
