Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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