Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
