you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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