before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
