the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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