I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
