allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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