it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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