Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize