five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
