You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
