I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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