Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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